It has been revealed that an unparalleled demand for tickets to the SSS 12 Night Quiz is being driven by the arrival of hordes of boat-people onto the beaches of Kent. Police have arrested 2 ‘persons of interest’ charged with trafficking innocent migrants into the annual event with the promise of raffle prizes and Pam’s sweetmeats.
A clearly upset John Turnbull has been scouring the village for extra space: “If reports are true, and migrants from Crayford turn out in the numbers indicated, we may have to relocate to Wembley Stadium!”
A techie has commented that the square-law applied to an audience of average mass x in an area of radius y means that those on the edges may not be able to hear the more labyrinthine elements of Colin Hill’s questions, with the inevitable risk of rioting, mayhem and civil unrest amongs the otherwise placid burghers of Otford (or Wembley).
Sergeant Spinx of Sevenoaks Constabulary (Et in Sainsburys Ego) has put his dog “Berry” on standby, and warns people to be on the lookout for people with damp hair or hats intended to convey a seafaring heritage.
All the more reason to gather your tickets NOW